Admit You’ve Made a Huge Mistake and Move On

This marks the first entry of Huge Mistake’s Cool Mom/Cool Dad series, in which we hunt down inspiring, creative or otherwise enterprising parents and force them to answer ten silly questions about themselves and their kids.

First up is Joe Jurewicz, singer/guitarist for the Brooklyn-based bands, Dirty on Purpose and Neckbeard Telecaster. Even before we became acquainted, I was a fan of of DoP. I think it’s fair to call them something of a Brooklyn institution, though their fans and influence extend well beyond the confines of the city. Everyone calls them “dreampop” or “spacerock,” but those comparisons were never useful to me. Sure, there’s plenty of buzzing, droning guitar washes, but what drew me in was their unique, well-crafted pop songs, ambitiously arranged and passionately played. It’s good driving music, too.

Plus, Joe is a web designer and devoted father to an adorable little girl, Sophie. Here’s what Joe had to say about being a dad in NYC:

• Children: friend or foe? Explain:

I think if I only had children for friends, I would have quit smoking by now because they would make you feel so guilty for it. And if you wanted to go to the bar and get a drink, they’d be like “why are you going in there?” and think I am lame for picking that over being outside and playing. So I think definitely friend.

And did you know that children are our future? I learned that from Whitney Houston once and never in a million years did I think I would be seriously contemplating those words.

• Your idea of family fun:

My idea of family fun has changed as my daughter has grown up. When she was a tiny baby, we would make “Cable Pit” which was an elaborate set-up containing the tv and every pillow and blanket in the apartment arranged in front of it, and then we’d spend a few hours watching sesame street and rolling around, testing out our legs, pulling ourselves up onto things and getting used to terrain without the risk of injury, good times. Some would call it an elaborate excuse to be lazy and watch tv, but I know what I’m doing.

Now that she’s older and has acquired a younger sister whom I would affectionately liken to a hurricane, we spend a lot of time on the playground when it’s nice out because it’s easier to watch both of them at once when I have them. Plus Grand Street has the hottest moms, and though that’s hardly a secret, I would prefer that anyone reading this stay away if that’s all you’re into. I got that shit on lockdown g. fo rllz kid. Shit. I did it again. I always revert to my hardcore street thug roots whenever I use Microsoft Word. I don’t know what it is. Sorry.

• Were you spanked as a kid? If so, how do you feel about that?

I gotta say that I do not mind that I was spanked as a kid, and I owe that to one singular event: I knew I was going to get spanked, and my old-school father used to sometimes use a wooden spoon from the kitchen if I had done something particularly offensive, so I stuffed a few National Geographics down the back of my Garanimals and it was like when a drummer breaks a stick mid-fill or something, it was amazing. Though to be fair, I was beaten a bit harder directly after with his hand, but I swear there was a slight smile on his face, like he was proud that I came up with something like that.

I don’t spank my daughter, and I never have. And I can’t really say that it’s because I am against it really, it’s just that I have never been faced with having to make that decision. I have a pretty amazing kid, and I know people say that all the time, but in my case it’s completely true. She’s the best. I never really even have to argue with her, and when I do, she could show some of the adults I have to deal with on a daily basis a thing or two about polite conversation.

• If you have a kid, what sex were you hoping for? How did you deal with/celebrate your disappointment/relief?

I knew I was going to have a girl. I knew even before I asked the hilariously inept sonogram technician “Is it too early still to determine the sex of the baby?” and was told immediately “no, it’s a girl.”
“uh. . . .Thanks”

But I had seven sisters growing up, so I knew I couldn’t get away from it, so I didn’t even really think about it too much. I was going to have a girl no matter what. I guess it’s good though, I have a lot of practice harassing boyfriends from when my sisters would get dropped off in front of my house. Though it is the year 2000 now and it might go down mad max style where I have to fight my daughter’s suitors in a thunderdome-like environment, with only my lightning quick reflexes and above-par bullshitting skills to save me.

• Best bathroom in your town for pee pee emergencies while out and about?

Ooh. Good one.

I am usually pretty good about not having those emergencies. “Prevention Starts at Home.” I think that means to pee before you leave the house. My secret spot though is Main Drag. They have known my daughter since she was a baby, so they are pretty cool about letting me use their bathroom when I am at the playground and don’t feel like donning a haz-mat suit.

• How many swear words does your child know? Why?

Her first good “swear” was when she was two, and was building a couch cushion fort and couldn’t get this one cushion to stay in place and finally she throws her arms down at her sides and says “Shit.”

Correct usage. I just laughed.

But now she knows all of them, I am sure. She goes to public school in New York F’ing City, so I am sure she could come up with some good ones. But she knows what not to say in certain situations. I told her it’s only ok to swear in public if you’re at a hockey game. To this she replied “What’s Hockey?”

• What’s your favorite cartoon?

Of all time? The typewriter on Sesame Street:

Current: Spongebob. Wait, is that even current? I hope Spongebob is still current, because I have no idea what’s going on in cartoons. I know about Hannah Montana though.

• If you could do it all over again, what would you change?

Hannah Montana

• Coffee or cocktails?

I have been blessed with a mind and body that allows for both. For now.

I know my days are numbered with the devil’s potions, so I try to enjoy it more now than when I was younger. I drink a bit less, and smoke a bit less and drink a bit less coffee, with less sugar than when I wore a younger man’s gold fronts (with a nike symbol on the front left incisor).

My favorite parenting joke, which I swear was by Dave Attell, but I can’t confirm it, is that ” I don’t condone drinking and driving. But sometimes you gotta get the kids to school.”

• Respond to this image in haiku form:

My dad’s in a band
That never quite succeeded
So he bought me this.

Thanks Joe! Go see Neckbear Telecaster (with The World Without Magic and Grand Mal) at Union Pool next week, May 15th!